Between The Lines
by ArthurianElayne
Summary: Left in a strange century in a hospital full of cats, River must try to piece together who she is. Before she can unearth the mysteries of The Doctor and who River Song will be, she must face her past, in therapy.
1. Chapter 1

**Between The Lines of Her Little Blue Book**

Getting used to being left in 5123 on an alien planet, in the best hospital in the universe run by The Sisters of the Infinite Schism was one thing. Realizing that the sisters were almost entirely made up of cat-people was something else entirely.

A brown tabby cat was currently taking a blood sample. She squirmed innerly- she had never quite gotten used to needles. They reminded her of nightmares of terrible things she only half remembered.

"Are you quite alright Ms. Song?" The nurse asked.

If she had imagined cats could talk- they would have sounded exactly like that in her mind. Planet of the Cats- she sighed.

"Just hate needles." She said honestly with a bit of a grimace. The nurse was now feeding the tubule of her blood into some unfamiliar gadget. When on Earth (or off of it she supposed) had The Doctor left her.

"Hrm...mostly human." The cat muttered, River looked up in surprise at the matter of fact tone the cat took with her. "Lots of inter-species dabbling these days Ms. Song, that's not unusual, in fact, I'd say you're rather more human that your average part-human." Noting the look on her face the cat spoke again "Not to fret, your records are kept entirely confidential." The cat walked away with her tail swaying slightly from under her uniform.

She looked up at the door, there was a seemingly human man standing by the door. "River Song?" He asked looking at his chart.

"Yes, I'm River Song." The name felt strange to her, she rolled it around her mouth trying to get used to it.

"I'm a psychologist, The sisters contacted me, I think you and I should have a little chat."

Great. A shrink. Exactly what she needed. She had found a doctor, but not the right kind.

Two weeks later River Song sat in Dr. Wexlar's office. She could barely believe that she was in therapy. They must really think she was crazy because she was seeing him on a weekly basis. In retrospect she probably should have left out most of her childhood.

"I'm telling you Dr. Wexlar, it happened exactly this way!" River insisted.

"You're from the 21st century and now you're stranded here? In the 52nd century?"

"Yes!" River said exasperated. She ran her left hand through her thicket of hair.

Dr Wexlar surveyed her over the top of his rimless glasses. He wordlessly reached into a his top drawer and pulling out a key, unlocked another compartment of his desk. He removed something highly resembling an e-reader. He cleared his throat.

"River, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions. Anything you say can and will be kept completely confidential and I urge you to answer the questions completely honestly."

She sighed, "Fine."

"Have you ever been employed as a time agent?"

"No."

"Have you recently had sexual relations with a Vortisaur?"

"A what?"

"Giant pterodactyl-thing?"

"No." River rolled her eyes.

"Have you ever used a vortex manipulator?"

"No." She found herself wondering what a vortex manipulator was and where she might get one.

"Do you have any memories that you cannot account for? Missing years? Strange senses of deja vu?"

"No. No gaps."

Dr. Wexlar frowned, "Well...these is one more possibility." He pushed a button near what must be some sort of printer. Took a sheet of paper from it and placed it in front of her.

"Have you ever met this man?" He asked quite seriously.

River looked at the sheet, prepared to once again answer no but her breath caught in her throat. It was not a picture of one man, but a picture of about a dozen- each with a different face. On the right top corner there was her Doctor looking impishly out at the camera.

"Yes! That's him right there!" She pointed.

"Calls himself The Doctor? Goes round in a little blue box?"

"Yes. I went with him- the TARDIS he called it."

Dr. Wexlar removed his rimless glasses and rubbed his temples briefly. All these time tenses were going to give him a headache.

"According to the best archaeologists at Luna University, you've had an encounter with a being known as a Gallifreyan or more colloquially a Time Lord. Research on him is still a bit spotty at best though."

Her fingers lingered along the page "All of these faces- are him?"

"Yes. There's only one of him. Last of his kind apparently."

She stared at the page, taking in the mystery that was this man. "Can I keep this?"

Dr. Wexlar sighed and handed her a violet-coloured pamphlet. It was entitled "So I Was Kidnapped and Raised by Aliens"

"So? Same time next week?" River said cheekily.

'River are you familiar with the music of the Ood? It's known to be quite therapeutic..."


	2. Chapter 2

Dr. Wexlar proved to be a challenge to fluster, but in all other regards he was quite satisfactory at his job. The Ood music did wonders. It put River at the centre of her emotions. She listened to it and cried or laughed without reservation. Dr. Wexlar surveyed her progress over his rimless glasses.

"River I'd like to give you some affirmations, I'd like you to look in the mirror, everyday and say these affirmations to yourself."

"Can I do it naked?" River's cheek barely affected her psychologist anymore.

He coughed as if he hadn't heard her. "You will say 'I am becoming the person I want to be' to yourself, everyday. Whatever your past has been River, you can have whatever future you desire. You don't hold any criminal record. We've talked many a time about how you want to be better. How The Doctor is making you better."

"You tell me, you're the shrink." River crossed her arm with a sneer.

"River, I may have a doctorate in psychology, that doesn't make me brighter than you, or better than you. I certainly don't think that. You're an extremely clever woman, you could easily succeed in academia."

"Hmm." River sniffed.

"River I'm not your boss, I'm not authority, I just want to help you." He sighed "How about you call me Adam?"

"Adam." River rolled it around her mouth. "I can do that." She said with a cheeky grin.

xxx

Several weeks later, River sat in the waiting room pouring over a leaflet given to her by Dr. Wexlar. A face of The Doctor beamed benevolently at her from the cover. It was captioned "So You're a Paradox."

River still had no idea where Dr. Adam Wexlar had gotten a hold of such a pamphlet. The one from last week had a large picture of a vortex manipulator on a mad-looking person and was captioned "So Your Life Makes No Sense." Apparently having your brain scrambled by a vortex manipulator was not an entirely unheard of scenario in the 52nd century. It was clearly sponsored by the Time Agency.

She turned over the "So You're a Paradox" leaflet. Strange how such a leaflet even existed, she doubted that there were very many like her in existence.

The picture of the author was unmistakably The Doctor, wearing a stetson of all things. He was telling her that they'd meet in good time, whenever that would be. She squinted to read the about the author section.

_ The author of this self-help leaflet is a time-traveling being known only _

_ as The Doctor. Known for his eccentricity he holds degrees in medicine,_

_ physics, xeno-zoology and cheese-making. His hobbies include travel, _

_ knitting, and engineering. He is such a fan of a good English cup of tea _

_ he claims to have once pushed boxes at The Boston Tea Party. He can_

_ be found when and where he damn feels like it._

Messages left for her. A trail that seemingly lead to exactly where she was. He knew where to find her, but she didn't know how to find him.

xxx

She wrote letters to the aliens who took her from her parents as an infant. She yelled and screamed them in therapy to Dr. Wexlar who offered her understanding and acceptance.

She was pleasantly surprised one Thursday morning a few weeks after being released from the hospital to find a large punching bag in Dr. Wexlar's office.

"Now River, dig deep into your feelings and really let it out. If you were an Ood, what would your song be?"

"Are you serious?" River looked at Adam witheringly.

"Very. Put all of your feelings out there. When you can come to terms with what your feelings are; we can start dealing with them constructively."

"ARRRRGH!" River cried striking her foot into the punching bag, she rolled her eyes. "Is that enough?"

"Come on River," Adam reasoned, "I know you have more than that bottled up in there, these are your feelings, they don't have to be rational. What do you want to say to your parents?"

River took a deep breath, she remembered the song of the Ood, like raw uncensored emotion flooding through her. Then she thought of her parents.

"WHY!" she punched the bag, "COULDN"T", she punctuated the word breathlessly with another blow, "YOU!" another hit, "SAVE ME?!" She dealt the punching bag another roundhouse blow. She then crumpled to the floor, her eyes filled up with tears.


	3. Chapter 3

River stood sobbing beneath the spray of the shower in her tiny apartment. Her hands braced themselves on the cool tile walls as sobs wracked her body.

After that session with Adam she felt raw and small. She had felt in that instant the terror and fear of a little girl whose parents never came back for her. Her parents travelled in space and time, The Doctor had travelled in space and time, and yet none of them had intervened in her fate. Fate, Ha. The Doctor changed people's 'fates' every day.

All through her imprisonment that she only half remembered, kept in that small cold room, and the space suit, and afterwards in foster home after foster home they had never once intervened. At school she had been like her mother, or perhaps her mother had been like her: always in trouble.

She had publicly blamed The Doctor for not averting global catastrophes,but she had privately blamed The Doctor for not saving her. Not allowing her to grow up in a normal way, with parents who loved her. _So You Were Kidnapped and Raised by Aliens_ indeed.

She stood there as the tears subsided trying to reason her way out of this depth of emotion. She hadn't known, not until she regenerated that The Doctor had known her, did know her from the future. The unknowable reason that he had never intervened was made clear to her now... he didn't want to risk crossing his own timeline. He had met her as an adult before he had ever met her as a baby. And he loved her, would love her? All these time tenses were giving her a bit of a headache.

One thing was right though, she did need to have a present

xxx

She had registered in courses at Luna University and was working towards her bachelor's degree. As Mels, she had never paid much attention to school. As River, she immersed herself in it. Adam had asked her to show him some of what she'd been studying, and she'd come to the session quite prepared.

"So this one is a halberd, medieval earth weaponry- and this one is a Judoon blaster from the last century, see the domed shape? And this one is a hologram of a disintegrator gun- I wish I had a real one...and this one here is a Sontaran blaster- well a broken one" she indicated the wires hanging out.

"And this is a cross-bow, an ancient Earth one. This was one of the first hand held projectile weapons, I suppose I could have brought a trebuchet but they are very troublesome to carry..."

"Weapons, River? You chose to study Medieval weaponry?" Adam looked wary, and not just because River had a small arsenal of outdated weaponry.

"I'm a psychopath, what else?"

"Would you like to test that theory?"

xxx

"You're quite certain?"

"River, I've given you the test three times. The results don't say 'psychopath' I promise. How many more times must I test you before you start to believe it? You aren't a psychopath. Emotionally damaged, kidnapped by aliens and brainwashed-certainly, but not a true, bonafide psychopath."

River gave a bit of a half-strangled laugh "Someone must have really screwed up then."

"River...if you won't believe the tests, believe yourself. Tell me again about the last time you saw The Doctor."


	4. Chapter 4

River Song was very, very annoyed. After several sleepless nights writing her term paper about the anthropological significance of projectile weapons she had received a

C+. She pressed her lips into a thin line as she trotted hot on the heels of her professor down the hallways of Luna University.

"Professor, I hardly feel that this research project deserves a C+...If you just _read_ it." She was hot on his heels as he strode down the hallway.

"Ms. Song, did I not explicitly say in class that the spear was the first handheld projectile weapon? And yet in your paper you claim that the cross-bow is the first handheld projectile weapon."

"Professor, with all due respect, a spear is a stick with a pointy-bit on the end, which you either use as a pole-arm to stab people with, OR throw. Meaning it is either handheld or a projectile but never both at the same time. You might as well call a rock or a sandal the first handheld projectile weapon...Besides, if you had read my paper you would realize that I am discussing the significance of a trigger operated weaponry and it's evolution into it's more modern forms."

"Ms. Song..." The professor sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Professor, if I took off my shoe and threw it at you, would THAT count as a handheld projectile weapon in your opinion? The cross-bow is the first trigger operated weapon, which allows it to be used one-handed and it is the oldest 'cousin' of guns."

"Ms. Song, I will _read_ your paper again. I was quite impressed with your first paper about life in the 21st century, I almost felt as though I was there. I'll see if I can find another couple of marks in there, hrm?"

River Song smiled. She was good at this.


End file.
